Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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