Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
