I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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