This girl is more easily done than said...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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