we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My life is pants optional.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
