A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
