My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
