i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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