I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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