Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
