So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
