Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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