I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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