Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
