You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize