He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
