I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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