Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
