i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
