Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
