it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
