I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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