Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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