Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
