Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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