He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
