It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
