What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
