im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well you can't waste a boner
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
