Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
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So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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