Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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