they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
