closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
