At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
