I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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