I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
