of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
