You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Are we still banned from the library?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
