Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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