Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
