Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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