I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.