I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating