So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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