how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
