but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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