we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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