I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
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hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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