oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
