i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm both gender and math confused
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