I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
