if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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