I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
