The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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