what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
