I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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