How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
