the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
