This girl is more easily done than said...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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