he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
