***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
