Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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