Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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