u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sponge bath it is.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
