i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
