last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
