ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
