I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
