too bad you live with your parents still
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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