Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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