my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
