GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
